Life Coach As Spin Doctor

What the heck is a "life coach"? Could any profession sound more cheesy? A friend of mine jokes that a life coach "tells people what to do" (I picture bossy Lucy Van Pelt and her "The Doctor Is In" roadside stand in Peanuts). Another says she envisions flowing gowns, and a lot of talk about rainbows and unicorns. A third pictures an effervescent cheerleader squealing, "You go, girl!" over every tiny accomplishment.

I don't tell people what to do. (At least, not people who are unrelated to me.) I wear jeans and T shirts, and I have no particular obsession with unicorns. And although I was, very briefly, a cheerleader in elementary school, I don't think gratuitous rah rahs are all that helpful to my clients without meaningful insight to back them up.

So what do I think a life coach is? In my world, it's someone who helps you get your life back on track when it runs off the rails. It's someone who offers a mirror when you can't remember who you are or what you want to do. It's someone who holds the flashlight--and maybe even your hand--while you find your way.

I started out in advertising and segued into journalism before becoming a life coach. The connection between all of them isn't as tenuous as you might think. As both an ad copywriter and a reporter, I listened to a lot of people talk about themselves, their businesses, and their lives. And I noticed that while the facts were undeniably the facts, the stories people told about them were often - unconsciously - pure spin.

That guy in the office who scowls at me and never says good morning? He hates me. My spouse forgot my birthday - he must no longer love me. I've gained five pounds - I have no self control.

When I listen to people's stories, I am reminded that we all do this - to ourselves, to each other - all day long: make assumptions that are truly leaps into the great unknown. That guy who scowls might actually be incredibly shy, or hard of hearing. The spouse might have far too many things on his or her plate. Those five pounds? They don't define you--any more than your shoes, your hair color, or what cereal you chose for breakfast tells me who you really are.

Life coaching is about the big stuff, sometimes disguised as the little stuff. About how we make up stories about our circumstances, and how those stories can motivate us, cripple us, or help us hide from stuff we don't really want to face or feel. About how sometimes, it's important to remember not to believe everything you think.

What stories are you telling yourself about your circumstances today?